Being a family day care educator comes with challenges that are expected such as families unexpectedly leaving care, illnesses, financial strain and of course paperwork, meeting regulations and all the legal requirements. But it also comes with the not quite so expected challenges that many don’t really account for which includes the isolation factor and the level of judgment from others, and also the differences in personalities and the clashes that come with that.
When working in any business, there will always be personality clashes and most people can rise above and be the ‘bigger person’ and still respect each other, their opinions and their positions as people, families, educators, admin, or co-ordinators. We can’t control how others respond to communication and we can’t be expected to through a random emoji or lol at the end of every sentence in social media chats. We can however all expect to be treated in a manner which genuine and honest, that takes into account basic human rights.
Over the last week, I have experienced so much and I am thankful to have been through this past week as it goes to show the ‘real’ persona some people present to the outside world. And it is not until we are faced with that reality that we even realise how deep into the web we actually are and how much of role every single one of us has to play in that game of LIFE.
It has been a week. And in that week I have learnt so much about me and what I am capable of as a person, as a family day care educator, as a mum and how with all so called negativity that has occurred over the past 7 months has prepared me this past week.
For example Earlier in the year I was advised that my communication style was off putting and some were intimidated by this and that when someone says something to me I get over defensive and that I need to bring this reaction style into check and to do this at my own expense I was required to undergo some communication training. What I learnt in this communication training, was that communication goes 2 ways. If someone receives something not as it is meant then that is on them, and on you as the one who presents that communication. Therefore as the one sending the communication you need to be purposeful on what you say and what you do, and even more so when writing a message. I was told recently that I should put everything I say and write through a ‘person filter’ and while I don’t necessarily agree with this, it is something I am trying to be aware of. I have also been told I need to be more diplomatic with what I say and what I write, so lets see how this blog post goes.
What this so called communication break down has meant for me is that instead of responding and feeding that negativity and toxicity around me, I have kept quiet in the background, not reacted in the way that would have been expected, not fuelled the fire! I won’t say it was easy to begin with, but now I can look at this past week and hold my head high and be proud of me for being me!
I know that not everyone appreciates the opinions and feedback of others and that’s ok. But we are all entitled to have one and to express that opinion and if people take that opinion or feedback not as it's meant, then that is their problem not yours. Everyone is different, has had life experiences and experienced trauma somewhere along the way. The way that trauma and those experiences are lived through shapes the way we go into each and every experience therefore after.
This week I have had some pretty vicious things said with emails sent to service providers, colleagues’ friends and other professional services which have the intent to harm myself and my business, the service I offer and more so the incredible reputation that I have built in my time in Family Day Care and in the child care sector in general. I could have fought tooth and nail to shut down the lies that have been spread, but the person doing this is catching themselves out by not being able to keep track of the things they have said. I could have got all defensive and done the same thing in retaliation, I could have curled up in a ball and ended up In the same place I was 18 months ago struggling to get out of bed and struggling to find a reason to keep existing. But what would any of that achieve?
Instead, what did I do? I critically reflected on all things that have been said and established that they are malicious mean and scary on paper and only on paper. I gathered the evidence to prove that I haven’t actually done anything wrong. I did all the things I have been asked to do, I held my head high and have not stooped to their incredibly low level, I found my people who are amazing and keep checking on me to make sure I am ok, and I cooked. I cooked bread, biscuits, and an Indian feast and then I said goodbye to the last 7 months of Traumatic experiences and now I get to take a big leap forward in to the next chapter! And I am so excited for what that brings.
The lessons I have learned have been invaluable over the past 7 months and I am so grateful to have lived through them and get to come out the side as I am now, instead of broken and smashed to smithereens. I have learned that everyone is different, I obviously knew this already, but learning it again in a different way has been amazing. And think about how life would be so boring if we were all cookie cutters or clones of each other, with no opinions and no new ideas and no on challenging the ideas of someone else no disagreements and differing options, while some might say life would be easier, it would be so incredibly boring.
Take a look at some examples of incredibly inspirational people who have helped shape the society which we are all part of.
Look at Steve jobs for example Steve Jobs cofounded Apple in his parents’ garage in 1976, was ousted in 1985 because of a clash with the CEO. He returned to rescue it from near bankruptcy in 1997, and by the time he died, in October 2011, had built it into the world’s most valuable company. Along the way he helped to transform seven industries: personal computing, animated movies, music, phones, tablet computing, retail stores, and digital publishing.
Look at J.K. Rowling had just gotten a divorce, was on government aid, and could barely afford to feed her baby in 1994, just three years before the first Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone, was published. When she was shopping it out, she was so poor she couldn’t afford a computer or even the cost of photocopying the 90,000-word novel, so she manually typed out each version to send to publishers. It was rejected dozens of times until finally Bloomsbury, a small London publisher, gave it a second chance after the CEO’s eight year-old daughter fell in love with it.
And what about Emily Blunt, before she was getting nominated for Golden Globes and landing leading roles on the stage and big screen, she could barely carry a conversation with her classmates: Between ages seven and 14, Emily had a major stutter. As she told W magazine, "I was a smart kid, and had a lot to say, but I just couldn't say it. It would just haunt me. I never thought I'd be able to sit and talk to someone like I'm talking to you right now." But that all changed when one of her junior high teachers encouraged her to try out for the school play—a totally unappealing feat given the fact that she had such a hard time communicating. But the teacher kept gently pressing and suggested she try accents and character voices to help get the words out—and it worked.
We are not cookie cutters and if anyone of these incredible entertainers, authors, business people, inventors etc hadn’t challenged the expectations of society and those around them, where would they be. I am. Definitely not comparing myself to these amazing people, I am just highlighting the differences between us and those around us, and the expectations of society. We all face challenges, and we all face adversity but it’s a how choose to take these challenges and adversities on that is important and even more important is how we choose to allow those challenges and adversities to impact those around us and our future choices and decisions.
While I am really sad and really disappointed that this chapter has come to an in end in such a way, I am excited to see how the chapter is written and while that next chapter begins, I am so incredibly blessed to get to spend more one-on-one time with Addy, doing things together as a family. Spending more time with family and in the garden doing what I love.
If any of this post has touched you, remember that there are always avenues to help you out of whatever you find yourself in and there is always help and advice on the other end of the phone with amazing people to back you 100%. If you are stuck in a rut and help, I am here to help you, I have been through the ringer over the years and have learnt so much, so reach out if you need a helping hand to find solutions not excuses in this big wide world.
Embrace the challenges!
Believe in you!
Back yourself!
Don’t make excuses!
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